Real Estate Smeal Estate...

I did exactly what they tell you not to do when looking at buying a house. In my mind I had the entire house mapped out stuff and new colors on the walls. I even redesigned the kitchen and laundry room. Did I mention the fabulous new PVC recycled deck on the back? I trapped myself through my imagination into thinking the house was ours. It certainly isn't quite..is it?
We got the offer back from the bank's agent. Who by all accounts ( and I have seen the man's emails) is an idiot. Not the garden variety either. The kind who gets offended when asked by us( after several days of waiting) for an answer by the end of business on Friday of a holiday weekend. Yea, he did. We got an answer back. Honestly I took it well considering how ridiculous it was. Frankly the waiting to find out the counter offer was far worse than hearing they came back at us wit a number so crazy it was a joke. Actually our agent's words exactly were "this is a joke".
So now we play ping-pong as I like to call it. We fling a few more bucks at them they fling a few less at us. Hopefully we can come to an agreement. I have not lost all hope yet I think. SO the game continues. We can go at this for a while so I will not bore people with this situation any more until it is finally over. I think this has taught me a lot.
Well at least I have better perspective, I haven't started moving my furniture in.

The Waiting Game

We are now into day 2 of the waiting game. I have had 2 more sleepless nights. The seller agent is presenting the contract to the bank today. I am trying to hard not to freak out but inside I look like Britney in the back of that ambulance. I am officially going crazy with anticipation and fear. OH the uncertainty! AHHHHHHHHH

Monday Monday Monday...

Sleep seems to be a thing of the past. I keep waking up thinking about this house, "are we going to get is" and "you think they will take the offer" all night. I swear it is like having a newborn again. It is making me crazy, totally and completely I-need-a-straight-jacket crazy.
I have been praying for this, really I am not joking. Every Friday night after lighting candles I ask for guidance on where our family is going to live. I just wasn't sure how this was going to work out with finding a house here.
Tonight, we are getting together with our fantastic agent. I went to HS with him, his older brother was in my class. He is so savvy, I'll bet he is going to make a fortune in real estate here. He is a fantastic agent and an even better person. Last night he was so kind to give me the occasional email of reality. You know the emails that brings your mind out of the fog where you are planning the perfect kitchen. We have all been there haven't we? As of right now the one in my head has white cabinets, duel fuel range, black granite with flecks of blue and a checkerboard floor in navy and white. So classic, so clean, with a farmhouse porcelain sink. OK back from the cloud...
I have to admit my fantasy kitchen is far more appealing as I sit here in my 2 bedroom apartment with a kitchen so small you can't open the fridge door the whole way.
For most people they hate Mondays. I love them. Monday is my older son's long day at school. So for 6 hours I only have 1 baby to deal with. Jack can be a force to be reckoned with but at least can work around him and get things done. OK he is awake....back to mommying...

2 Dirty Martinis later...

It was a long day. A very long day. We decided we are going ahead an putting an offer on this house we saw yesterday. I am totally freaked out. We are way under bidding it, but since it is a foreclosure we might be OK. Besides that my grandparents surprised me with a visit with only 2 hours notice today. So with 2 screaming kids I managed to get the rooms clean, the bathroom scoured clean and a room made up for them after cleaning the boys room to make space. All while the baby Jack screeched at the top of his lungs that I am sure had the neighbors freaking. He screamed when not held for a straight 8 hours. I swear I thought I would jump out the window if I didn't have so much to do.
How do they know how to hit just the right tone to shatter your inner ear? Its remarkable that these little buggers know instinctively how to make you completely crazy. While the younger one screamed the older one basically did everything in his power not to listen to me.
This evening after spending time with my beloved grandparents and seeing the house we came home and I had 2 martinis. So right now as I sit here a little hazy my sweet husband is dealing with the kids and I am rambling on hoping we get this house.
We just want a place of our own. Nothing huge, just ours. I don't know is it too much to ask? I guess we'll just wait and see.

A Glimer of Hope

There is is. Just a glimmer, a small glimmer of hope that we will again be homeowners. As I felt my dream of staying here wash away from me in a sea of moving out to the burbs, I came across a glimmer of hope. This glimmer needs work, its a foreclosure. No one was displaced which is good. I feel thats bad Karma. It is 3 blocks from the private school we are considering for our boys. It's 1.5 miles from the house of worship we would like to attend. My husband could have a take home car. Thats right, a take home car! This lovely 3br 2 1/2 bathroom house is (dare I say) in this city!!!!!!!
We went to see it today and I honestly feel this puppy is a diamond in the rough. At first we were looking for a fixer-upper. Heck, we knew that is all we could afford. But this, this hit all the major points for us. It has all the bare bones we need, the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the living dining room, the working wood burning fire place, the family room, the kitchen with breakfast room. The postage stamp yard, the garage...it's endless. OK so the kitchen hasn't ever been updated, the second floor needs to be COMPLETELY redone to make it 3 functional bedrooms, the basement has some water issues (this we are pros at after our first house). The front is south facing, so good sun! Most people would run from this. We like the challenge. I love the idea of designing my own kitchen, actually I wanted that. Then I get what is good for us not what someone else wanted. Our boys could have rooms of their own. We could have our own bathroom ( do I hear a hallalujah!). We could keep our living room set ( ahh bliss!). We would have to get the work done before moving in which might work out as our lease isn't up until April 1st. SO if anyone feels the need to send a prayer our way that this works out for our family, I would greatly appreciate it. Hey If we get it I might even post a picture :D Cheese!

The Grand Scale of Life

We have come to the crossroad. We have to finally decide what to do. We love living in the big city with all of its charms and great food finds. But alas we need to be grown ups and figure it out.
So our big decision is whether to stay here in the city or move out to the burbs. Ugh I know the burbs. I am not a huge fan of the burbs. I like culture, diversity, museums and public transport. I love knowing I can go to Whole foods at 9pm and still find anything I could possibly want. I love knowing I don't have to pay for the zoo and its only a 2 mile walk away. Oh and the loveliness that is the local restaurant scene. We live 5 minutes from an amazing sushi place, Mexican, wood fired pizza, incredible Indian, Thai, and a couple fancy American places. How could we ever get tired of it? We go to the Smithsonian when we are bored. We ride Metro for fun. It's a wonderful life.
Reality as much as I hate to say it can be a dream squasher. As much as we love it here it is becoming less practical for a family of 2 growing boys. If we had a townhouse this would never be an issue: where we could live happily until the kids graduated High School and left for College. But as cozy as our 2 bedroom apartment is we need more space. Heck, half of our belongings are in storage and who wants to pay for that???
So we have to decide do we stay or do we go( doo doo do dooo doo do do do)? We could move out by an hour and my husband would have to drive a LONG way every day. We could be near friends with the same age kids and have a house with a yard. But is that really us? I just can't see us in a subdivision with all the soccer moms and dads. Just not our style. I could see us in an older home with a big yard and a huge garden of organic produce. But what about the culture? What about the diversity? My waistline could do without the restaurants though.
What is more important, what do we want to convey to our kids? Do we want them to grow up thinking they'll never have a room to their own? I always had my room, my husband shared with his brother and they both lived. I feel like if our apartment was 3 bedroom 2 bathroom we would never consider moving. But homes and condos just go up and up even as other areas have falling house prices. They never fall here in the city. I think we might be able to buy a 1 bedroom condo here. Pathetic. Frankly its nuts. Most places in the country we could have a NICE house for less that that. We don't need a lot. We don't need fancy.
Being a grown up sucks!

One small step followed by lots of big ones

I finally did it. With my tail between my legs I went back the Weight Watchers today. The funny thing is it actually felt good. I got on the scale and I didn't gain back as much as I thought. I was about 6 lb less than the total in my mind. I guess what finally did it was putting it here for the world to see. That and a bit of encouragement from a friend of mine who read my earlier entry. She found my will power and therefore gets the nickel and gum. ( Thanks Shana)
This is the easier part. You get going on any program and you do well for a while. The honeymoon period. Then 3 months from now you are sick of counting and sick of keeping track and thats when you slip. The question is how do you keep it fresh? How do you keep yourself from doing the same things over and over again? This time for me was significantly worse than any other slip up. I might as well call it what it was. I relapsed. I have to admit this particular stint off my my weight loss quest was emotionally fueled. I really hate that.
I'm sure I did emotional eating in my past, but not like this time. This time is was from being angry, sad and hurt. It's a shame really. I thought I was stronger than that.
Being a mom is the hardest job on this planet. Society has this nasty habit of making the choice of being a Stay-at-home mom into a "you do that job because you don't have a real job". That fries me. I had a "real" job and you know what being a Paramedic has NOTHING on being a Stay-at-home Mom. You know those people. The ones you meet who give you a certain look for answering that you stay at home with your kids. Then my all time favorite is when I am asked at my son's preschool "Are you the Nanny?". Frankly I just want to say as I carry my baby in a front pack "Do I look like the friggin Nanny? Awfully presumptuous don't ya think?"
Where does this tirade above fall into not losing weight. Basically its simple. I am about to turn 30. I know how cliche. About 10 years ago I was independent, living on my own dating my husband, working on my career being a 20yr old with lots of possibilities. I defined myself no one did that for me. Now I am 29 the mother or 2, wife to a wonderful guy. People rarely see me for me anymore. That seems to be the norm. When women get married (in my family anyway) they are someone's wife. Then when they are pregnant they become the vessel of the future and that child's mother. No one sees them for them anymore.
I love my kids and my husband and right now they are the center of my life. That doesn't mean I am not still in there. I am. I am still creative, artistic, vivacious, funny, dramatic and intelligent. You just have to wade a bit deeper through the diapers and hot wheel cars to find me.

Deep Thoughts by DCMomma

Deep thoughts... I remember a SNL skit that was by a character Jack Handy. It was hysterically funny. Ah for the days when SNL was still funny. So today is my homage to Deep thoughts and other ramblings.
I have to admit I am a half-crunchy mom. I'm the organic eating, baby carrying ( we use an ergo), co-sleeping, city walking, disposable diapering, Wallyworld shopping mom. Yes I shop at Wallyworld. I love to support local businesses and we do on a regular basis. We do most of our food shopping at a local organic market. I strive to buy local as much as I can. But then there is the other me.
I have to admit it is VERY hard to pass a Wallyworld when I am near one and not go in for some wipes and diapers for a start. When you are living in an expensive city on a not so enormous paycheck you have to compromise. So with that being said I do buy my disposable diapers cheaply at a mega store. I also stock up on paper products there, why not? Why can't you be a little crunchy and a little practical.
We are certainly not made of money. My adorable husband is a police officer and we are very proud he is. Police officers are not on the highest paid list of jobs. When we decided to have a family we decided one dangerous job would have to go. I made the choice to give up my career as a Paramedic, and I certainly do not regret it. So we have to make concessions.
I don't know anyone who doesn't have to choose between what they want to be able to so and what they can afford to do. So that is where we are. We do what we can and then fill the rest in with low prices from Wallyworld.

Where has my will power gone?

Honestly where has my will power gone? I use to have pretty good will power. I was good with weight watchers and I managed to get me weight down to a more manageable level. I was even looking super fly on our trip to Italy for my 28th birthday, I turn 30 in about a month and a half. Well I need to get of my derrière and get back on the program. It is one of my things for 2008 that I want to find again. I just need to suck it up and go. I need to stop making excuses and take myself back into meetings. Honestly I need to do this to for me. I want to look in a mirror and think, "hey self there is a healthy looking woman" not my thighs saying "oooh chunky monkey sounds great!" Until last year when I was pregnant for the 3rd time in 3 years is when my sweet tooth arrived and took hold with a vengance. I can't seem to shake the little bugger.
Why is that my will power in the last 2 years has gone completely out the window? I'm thinking did I lose it somewhere? Should I retrace my steps? Maybe put flyers on telephone poles? Reward anyone.. I think I have a nickel and a piece of gum.
I'm not asking to be a size 6, 5'11 and look like Heidi "your Out" Klum. I just want to be a healthier me, a more toned me. OK under a BMI of 30 me. So as I sit here wondering why I can't manage to get off my duff and get myself healthy maybe someone out there can find my will power and send it back to me...

Rambling the evening away

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be in a different life? I do. Don't get me wrong I love my life with my husband and kids. We chose to be here in the city. It's a great place for our family. But then there is the other me.
There are moments where I yearn for the simple life. What I mean by that is not that I want to sit around all day eating bon bons and asking my maid to do the laundry. No. What I mean is the days where life in general was waking up to the sound of a rooster, working a farm ( pestacide free), canning my own food living on a family homestead and working your land. Well basically the life before most of the major technological advances we all love today. I know I sound like a hypocrite as I sit here on my laptop with the TV on but I still dream of having the little organic farm on a hill with a couple cows and maybe a few sheep. You don't just come to the conclusion about wanting to live on a farm for no reason. This all stemmed from experiences my husband and I had on an organic farm a few summers in a row.
We had the absolute delight and pleasure to work on a wonderful little farm 2 summers in a row. We loved it. We hand planted crops in march and got to see them in our dinner a few months later. We got dirty and our muscles ached at then end of our days. But we loved it. We learned so much working with the farmer and his wife. Mr. Phillips* was a character! He was an ex-marine, with a keen mind, he was a wealth of knowledge and had quite a whit. He and his wife Caryn would take in anyone willing to listen and help. Caryn taught me all about raising chickens, canning and growing seeds. Mr. Phillips taught my city boy husband how to work on farm equipment, how to build greenhouses and how to plant sweet potato slips ( 350 to be exact). Spending all the time we did on their farm makes you think about the world around you. Because of them we eat more organic foods, we support more local farmers and we strive to be more kind to the planet. This was all before NBC made it en vogue.
I recently read a blog of another mom who is also an exquisite potter. She has made this amazing transition to make life simpler. I read an essay she wrote about why it was a good choice for her and her family, and I have to say I agree with most of it. Is it practical for most people? Well, no. But as much as I am attached to my convinces of life I would be happy to give them up for a taste of the simple life.

*Mr. Phillips was killed in a auto accident on I95 last April. We lost an amazing person that day who touched our lives and the lives of all the people who met him. He took with him this incredible knowledge of natural farming practices and was a pioneer in organic farming in his county. He was a wonderful friend.

Determination

I am not going to make a resolution this year. Let's be perfectly honest they just don't work. So I am putting this in black and white for the world to see ( literally).
I have had enough! I am not going to start the next decade of my life overweight.
I will set a good example for my kids.
I will be able to do fun physical activities without looking like a hippo out of water.
I will not waste the money I spent on the super fancy gym. I WILL go.
I will cut down on my fuel consumption by walking or taking public transportation.
Most of all..
I will not hold onto all the things that held me back for the last few years.
I am letting it ALL go.
So from this day forward I will try every day to be a better mom to my boys, a better wife to my hubby, a better friend to my friends, a better daughter and sister but most of all a better me.