Raw

Raw. That is the best description of how I feel today. The past 3 weeks have been one drama to the next with no sign of letting up. We got a tummy bug which landed our baby in the hospital for a total of 6 days. Long story short, super fancy little guy hospital released our kid twice for him to go home and get sicker. Finally 3 days in another hospital Jack was really healthy enough to go home. I am disgusted at the special hospital, I use to take patients there. I use to have a good amount of respect for that establishment. I was wrong. If I had not been so pushy my kid could have died. Bottom line truth. Could you imagine if I had been a mother with a communication problem, or a mom without the courage to stick her 2 cents in?
Well Jack is finally back to being his oh so charming teething, about to turn one cranky little bugger. Did I mention we have a tough day? These days I wonder how I am going to make it through 8 hours. Sleep is not happening. I am starting to resent nursing. How sad is that? I just want my bed back. I want some sleep. I want my family to be healthy. Adorable husband spiked 102.0 tonight. I was supposed to go get my hair done tomorrow. I canceled. *sigh* Jack's birthday is Wednesday. I wanted to make is special and fun. My ability to be charming left about a week ago. Right now I sit here typing to have 10 minutes alone while sick husband has the screaming baby. I feel horrible.
I am about to turn the big 3-0. I feel lost today. I feel like I am someone's chew toy, someone's personal behind wiper, someone's cook, maid, chauffeur, nurse, secretary, accountant, personal shopper, memory and laundromat. I don't feel like me. I don't feel like I know me.
No one tells you this part of motherhood before you join the club. If they did, there would be less mothers.