One small step followed by lots of big ones

I finally did it. With my tail between my legs I went back the Weight Watchers today. The funny thing is it actually felt good. I got on the scale and I didn't gain back as much as I thought. I was about 6 lb less than the total in my mind. I guess what finally did it was putting it here for the world to see. That and a bit of encouragement from a friend of mine who read my earlier entry. She found my will power and therefore gets the nickel and gum. ( Thanks Shana)
This is the easier part. You get going on any program and you do well for a while. The honeymoon period. Then 3 months from now you are sick of counting and sick of keeping track and thats when you slip. The question is how do you keep it fresh? How do you keep yourself from doing the same things over and over again? This time for me was significantly worse than any other slip up. I might as well call it what it was. I relapsed. I have to admit this particular stint off my my weight loss quest was emotionally fueled. I really hate that.
I'm sure I did emotional eating in my past, but not like this time. This time is was from being angry, sad and hurt. It's a shame really. I thought I was stronger than that.
Being a mom is the hardest job on this planet. Society has this nasty habit of making the choice of being a Stay-at-home mom into a "you do that job because you don't have a real job". That fries me. I had a "real" job and you know what being a Paramedic has NOTHING on being a Stay-at-home Mom. You know those people. The ones you meet who give you a certain look for answering that you stay at home with your kids. Then my all time favorite is when I am asked at my son's preschool "Are you the Nanny?". Frankly I just want to say as I carry my baby in a front pack "Do I look like the friggin Nanny? Awfully presumptuous don't ya think?"
Where does this tirade above fall into not losing weight. Basically its simple. I am about to turn 30. I know how cliche. About 10 years ago I was independent, living on my own dating my husband, working on my career being a 20yr old with lots of possibilities. I defined myself no one did that for me. Now I am 29 the mother or 2, wife to a wonderful guy. People rarely see me for me anymore. That seems to be the norm. When women get married (in my family anyway) they are someone's wife. Then when they are pregnant they become the vessel of the future and that child's mother. No one sees them for them anymore.
I love my kids and my husband and right now they are the center of my life. That doesn't mean I am not still in there. I am. I am still creative, artistic, vivacious, funny, dramatic and intelligent. You just have to wade a bit deeper through the diapers and hot wheel cars to find me.